So then,what kind of Man does it take to be able to bond with a "Nora" woman such as the Queen depicted here. Notice her gentle but strong reply; it was comforting and empowering, yet challenging at the same time. The tantalizing scene after this one makes even more poignant the question of the kind of Man it takes to satisfy such a woman's desires.
Lets first quickly discuss some ice-burg beliefs held by many women before we continue....
A. All men suck or will inevitably become bad. FALSE (This is an overgeneralization. And proper parenting can inhibit the inevitability-factor. And where parenting drops off, self-motivation to become a mature Man steps in. Or at least it should.)
B. All men are manipulators. TRUE (All men have the ability to manipulate. But the kind of Man I speak of chooses not to use these talons of manipulation on his woman in any way)
C. I always fall for guys that are bad for me. FALSE (Even if it has been true for you until now, this particular statement is a flawed and false statement. Try defining key terms. What does always mean? Always implies past, present, and future and that you are not in control of who enters your life next... or who stays in it. What do you consider "bad?" What do you mean by "fall?" What is your definition of Love?)
Here are some questions you may consider...
In what ways can you regain control over who enters your inner circle of trust? What are the boundaries of that circle and should you adjust those? If you don't feel like you are being heard, appreciated, or satisfied what constructive behaviors can you engage in to satisfy either of these needs. Is something deterring you from feeling you deserve a Prince Charming or that you are not ready? When will you be ready? At what point would you be willing to finally cease tolerating destructive behavior from false Prince Charmings? What are you willing to sacrifice in order to attract, reunite with, or gently mold whom you are currently with into a Prince Charming.
Below you will see a list that showcases many qualities that a woman, such as the protagonist in the film clip above, might appreciate in her other half. For my own therapeutic reasons I've personalized the list, so not all qualities will be universally desirable. It mirrors the list given in my previous post "Nora Woman."
To me, a Prince Charming is...
1. Able to appreciate the intrinsic value of various forms of art (music, painting, dance, etc). Art is communication...a medium of expression. If a man can neither express himself through art, nor appreciate the value of various artistic forms, then he is dull and his senses are muted.
2. Not dependent on weed, other drugs, or alcohol. But knows how to party. Wait... I mean literally knows HOW to party and when it's appropriate.
3. Adventurous. Enjoys exercising. Well, enjoy it or not he does it. Healthy and fit body. Has no mood disorders, but if so, is able to keep them under control with meds and/or other techniques.
4. Family oriented and supportive of his woman's career goals/hobbies. When I say family-oriented I mean he is self-aware that the decisions he makes while single (or married) will not only affect his future, but that of his future (or current) family.
5. Able to articulate his own personal belief-system. And has the gusto to install in his household (even if single) a specific moral thermostat that guides his actions and those within his home. Personal example? Although I did not partake, I had at one time allowed the use of medicinal marijuana in my home. The resulting behavior of certain individuals became intolerable. So I installed a moral thermostat in my home not to allow this anymore. I am the head of my house. I set the moral climate of my home.
6. Imperfect. Prince Charming is not perfect, but he conducts himself in such a way that makes most wonder in which ways he is imperfect. (Usually the more haters you have, the more you know you're on the right track).
7. Doesn't speak slander against his woman and backs her up no matter what, within reason.
8. Does not raise his hand against his woman. Now this is obvious. What's not so obvious these days is verbal and emotional abuse. The effects are just as detrimental but the signs are not as obvious. (Don't get me wrong, females can be verbally abusive as well, but I'm trying not to get on my soap box about that so lets stick to Prince Charming qualities for now).
9. Speaks respectfully, not rude and does not use aggressive or passive-aggressive underhanded comments that are demeaning. He is polite overall both in public and behind closed doors. Not spiteful, vengeful, or malicious. (Set a standard for yourself of NOT yelling. NOT complaining. NOT being easily offended. Set a standard for YOU not her. If she loves you, she will follow suit. If she can't handle you new-found maturity she will break away and become distant. Don't ignore the signs).
10. Does not try to over-talk or out-talk his woman while she is talking. This is called ACTIVE LISTENING (A.L). This is not called "waiting for your chance to speak." Nor is it a game of "getting everything out that you want to say and keep talking until she shuts down." Just because she is not talking does not mean she agrees with you or that she is not communicating. Non-verbal communication, whether knowingly or subconsciously used, is often a go-to method of communication for women. (I'll cover this in another article) A.L. goes a very long way. Prince Charming is a master of A.L.
(click here for more on A.L.)
11. Per Meriam Webster online being hospitable means offering a pleasant or sustaining environment. Prince Charming insures that those around him feel comfortable to be themselves. However, this implies that he is able to enforce boundaries that are conducive to his own self-wellbeing. What does this mean? Well, lets say (based on personal experience) he invites an old friend over for dinner. Lets say this friend has has recently been released from jail and he wants to make him feel comfortable at his home. However, this friend begins "eyeing" his other half. Prince charming must be able to recognize behaviors that may jeopardize the moral climate of his household and hold accountable to the standards he has set all those whom enter. He is the Gate Keeper for all who enter his (and his family's) inner circle, no matter who they are (family, friends, etc.).
12. Does not become spiteful or vengeful toward his loved one in the instance that she says "no." Now the key characteristic here is that of understanding. For example. if she says no to something as important as sex (and she is working on Norma Woman qualities) Prince Charming is not immediately alarmed or offended. The first response is one of understanding. Maybe she is exhausted. Maybe she feels inadequate, sad, frustrated, etc.... Prince Charming tries first to understand the issue without even asking the question of why. He meets her need in that moment, be it a hug, cuddle or space because he UNDERSTANDS her in that moment. (Note: in this instance, try letting her get some rest then waking her gently in a few hours. But if that doesn't work, wait until morning and ask to talk about it. A Nora Woman will at least acquiesce to a discussion so you feel comfortable as well).
13. Slow to become angry, but when anger is a go-to emotion he does so appropriately. Unfortunately many American Woman are intimidated when a man is able to regulate his emotions. Regulation of emotion is no longer a norm in our homes. It is mis-interpreted as coldness or a lack of emotion in general. However, Prince Charming is able to communicate his concerns appropriately, even where sternness is required. (Note: Prince Charming does not tolerate verbal, emotional or physical abuse!).
14. Able to hold decent and respectable conversation. Have you ever felt embarrassed by your loved one's conversation? Well Prince Charming is able to recognize his audience and communicate in a way that makes all parties feel comfortable to the best of his ability. Talking about what you guys do in the bedroom may not be a discussion in front of new friends or co-workers, but old friends or close siblings who desire to swap stories for a laugh might work. Your Prince Charming won't embarrass you in front of others.
15. Willing and able to lead his woman and his family through hardship. He is willing and able to forge a path through financial difficulties, relationship road blocks, behavioral issues (with kids), etc. He holds the confidence and trust of his other half. Being dependable is an implied character trait... a pre-requisite. Now with this... just because a female doesn't trust her Man or can't depend upon him does not make him untrustworthy or not dependable. It's possible she just has trust issues which is fairly common. But then... this list is descibing a Prince Charming. Can such a person co-exist with a woman with unresolved trust issues? No. But he can mesh with a Nora Woman who recognizes her issues and is actively resolving them with the his support. Remember, neither Prince Charming, nor the Nora Woman are perfect creatures. However, their vigor for life, pursuit of familial functionality, and standard of living are superior to that of the status quo.
16. Ok.. you"ll have to go back and read #16 of the Nora Woman article. I expound here.. (take a deep breath)... Prince Charming is a Prince. Anyone with such a title is in leadership. In leadership you must take into account the historical struggles of the people whom you are leading. Watch this scene from the awesome film called CRASH (foul language and it will piss you off)..
How does this turn out? You'll have to watch the film but it's not pretty. She blames him for not doing anything. He tries explaining why he was unable. An argument breaks out and... well... you'll have to watch the movie. It's sad. Very sad. Something similar has happened to me personally.
All this to say... Prince Charming makes it his business to understand the individual and historical struggles of those whom reside under his leadership... i.e. that of his other half and his children. (Email me if you want more on this subject)
More to follow...
